Survivors’ Guilt: When Surviving Feels Like Failing

Survivors’ Guilt: When Surviving Feels Like Failing

After a critical incident at sea, the hardest part often isn’t the crisis — it’s what comes after.

The looping thoughts.
Why them and not me?
Did I do enough?
If only I had acted faster…

That weight has a name: survivors’ guilt.

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What it is

Survivors’ guilt is the sense of blame or shame that follows when you live through something others didn’t — or when you couldn’t prevent harm.

It’s not weakness. It’s a normal psychological reaction to abnormal circumstances.

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Why it happens

After trauma, the brain scrambles to make sense of the story:
• The amygdala stays hyper-alert, replaying danger.
• The hippocampus falters, making events feel jumbled.
• The prefrontal cortex struggles to reconcile “I did my best” with “I should have done more.”

The result? Endless “what ifs.”

As I say in all my training’s - only the “what if’s” will send you mad.

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At sea
• A crew member lost overboard.
• A guest suffers a fatal heart attack.
• One injured, others walk away unharmed.

Survivors’ guilt is common in these moments — and it can fracture teams if unaddressed.

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What helps
• Normalize it: guilt is common, not a flaw.
• Reframe: “You acted with the knowledge and resources you had at the time.”
• Connect: debrief together, break the silence.
• Ground: breathwork, prayer, movement.
• Seek support if it persists.

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Leadership at sea

Instead of: “Don’t feel guilty.”
Try:

“It’s normal to feel this way. You’re not alone, and we’ll get through this together.”

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Survivors’ guilt isn’t truth. It’s a sign you cared deeply, that you valued life. With the right support, it can transform into resilience, strength, and leadership.

Due to popular demand, I’ve been asked to do a psychological first aid and safety at sea series, I thought I would simplify & demystify some popular phrases, and some common knowledge that I, for one, was not aware of when I was at sea full time.